


Distant Memories

by DramaticNia



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Car Accidents, Established Relationship, Fainting, Happy Ending, Head Injury, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Memory Loss, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Recovery, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-23 05:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30050685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramaticNia/pseuds/DramaticNia
Summary: A terrible car crash on the Top Gear test track turns their lives upside downand it takes its toll on them, some more than the other...but would they get their 'happily ever after' at last...?
Relationships: Jeremy Clarkson/Richard Hammond
Comments: 13
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> _**"** Even now that I'm here-  
>  _ _now that they're all disappointed in me,  
>  _ _now that everyone's tired of me and already leaving,  
>  _ _you are still by my side, **you still love me,  
>  **_ _and **you still trust me** to put your whole vulnerable heart in my hands...  
>  _ _and I still do not remember anyone or anything,  
>  _ _I don't even know who I am!_  
>  _but I know that **I love you  
>  **_ **_more than anything and anyone else."_ **

**| 12th of December, 2008 | Top Gear Test Track |**

  
Richard's breath hitched in his throat and his eyes went wide.

  
He bolt out of his chair, half running half crawling towards the door of the porta-cabin, stumbled over his own feet, and fell all the way down the stairs.

  
He got to his feet immediately and started to run towards the track where it seemed to be a chaos, with the crew running from side to side and several fire trucks and ambulances parked nearby.

  
The sound of sirens sent shivers down Richard's spine as he hastily made his way through the crowd-

  
Where a car was flipped over and it's front was on fire...

  
A car-

  
Which was the same Jaguar XKR Jeremy was going to test on their track that afternoon.

  
Richard just stared at the car burning in front of his eyes, a sudden chill swept through his body, and time slowed down.

  
His chest felt tight as bile rose in his throat.

  
All he could hear was a continuous beep in his ears and the sound of his own heavy heartbeat. His legs felt like they were rooted to their place-

  
"--chard!"

  
He couldn't breathe.

  
_God, his chest hurt and his head was spinning,_

  
He was struggling to inhale a breathe but no matter how much he tried, it was like his lungs were blocked and he couldn't take air into them.

  
Richard's shaky hand clutched his chest and he closed his eyes, and that was the moment he realised how his whole body was shaking-

  
"---MOND!" Someone was shaking Richard's shoulders.

  
Richard's eyes snapped open and he blinked a few times. Through the blur of his tears, he could see a familiar face.

_  
James?_

  
"Hammond! Can you hear me? Fuck- breathe, you pillock!"

  
Richard just stared at the blurred figure in front of his eyes. He was trying to register the vague words in his mind, but it seemed that his brain has stopped working.

  
"Hammond, they're taking Jeremy into that ambulance! Do you want to go with the ambulance or with Andy's car?"

  
_Jeremy?_

_  
He is not in that car, then?_

_  
Jeremy is not in that burning car-_

_  
God..._

_  
_ Richard gulped and closed his eyes, for a moment his legs trembled and he lost his balance, luckily though, James was there to take his arm and steady him.

  
"Fuck, Hammond! Don't die now!" James huffed, but his hands were holding firmly on Richard's arm, supporting the smaller man.

  
Richard opened his eyes again and took in a deep shaky breath. The younger man's eyes were centred on James for a moment and then he blinked, turned his head and looked around, trying to find the ambulance he'd seen somewhere around a few moments ago-

  
And then his eyes spotted it! The back doors of the ambulance were wide open and a few paramedics were pushing a stretcher carefully inside.

  
"God you can't go with the ambulance, Hammond! You yourself need an ambulance right no-"

  
"Jeremy..." The younger man muttered as he freed his arm and made his way towards the ambulance.

  
"Hammond!" James yelled as he ran after his friend.

  
Richard took a few hesitant steps towards the ambulance and yes, there he was...

  
_Jeremy..._

_  
His fiance..._

  
_With his body secured to a stretcher-_

  
_But... he didn't look bruised...!_

  
Richard looked carefully at Jeremy's body with concentrated wide eyes, trying to take stock of the older man's body.

_  
And there was no blood either!_

_  
_ "-sir, are you coming with the patient?" The paramedic's voice cut through Richard's thoughts and the younger man tore his eyes off his fiance to look at her.

  
Richard nodded weakly, got in the back of the ambulance and sat beside his unconscious fiance in complete silence.

**~~~**

**| 13th of December, 2008 | London's Central Hospital |**

  
Jeremy groaned at the throbbing pain in his head and tried to open his eyes, blinking a few times, trying to adjust to the blinding light.

  
_Fuck... Why is this room too bloody bright?!_

_  
_ He looked at his surroundings with half lidded eyes and frowned...

_  
Well, this is definitely not his bedroom!_

_  
_ He turned his head around and saw someone sitting by the side of his bed.

  
A young petite man who was sitting on a chair, his eyes were close as he massaged his forehead with slim fingers.

  
"Whe-" Jeremy coughed and then cleared his throat, his voice was rough and husky, "Where am I?"

  
"J-... J-Jeremy?" The younger man gasped, his eyes were now wide open, staring at Jeremy as in disbelief, "Oh my God, Jeremy! H-how do you feel?"

  
"-as if someone's hammering in my head..." Jeremy grumbled and closed his eyes, frowning.

  
"Oh!" The younger man frowned, worriedly, "I-I'll go tell your doctor that you're awake, okay? They'll probably give you something for your headache, I suppose." He got up immediately and turned around to leave-

  
"Who are you?"

  
The younger man froze in his tracks.

  
"W-what?" The younger man questioned perplexed, slowly turning around to face Jeremy.

  
"Who are you? I don't think I've ever met you before!" Jeremy said, eyeing the younger man from head to toe.

  
"W-what do you- Jeremy I-"

  
"Hello Mr. Clarkson! How are you feeling?" The doctor said, smiling as he entered the room.

  
"Headache's killing me. And I don't know why I'm here.... and I don't know this man either." Jeremy grumbled, pointing at the younger man and closing his eyes.

  
The doctor's smile disappeared as he looked over at the younger man who was standing motionless in the centre of the room, like someone has just turned him into stone, with a hurt and shocked expression on his face.

  
"Mr. Clarkson, do you know the date of today?" The doctor asked as he looked through the clipboard in his hand.

  
"Umm..." Jeremy pondered, "I don't know the exact date... but, surely someday in October."

  
The doctor frowned, but nodded as he wrote something down,

  
"And which year?"

  
"What?" Jeremy snorted, rolling his eyes, "It's 2000, for God's sake."

  
Richard's heart dropped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo...  
> Tell me what you think about this story so far ♥😁  
> Next chapters will be updated very soon, so stay tuned 😉


	2. Chapter 2

_Amnesia... Amnesia... Amnesia..._

_  
_It was the only word that kept repeating in Richard's head for the past two hours.

  
Jeremy's head had been hit in the crash and now all he could remember was his memories _before 2000..._

  
However, the doctor had said that it is most probably a temporary amnesia, but still, Jeremy couldn't remember his meeting with Richard and all the things that happened between them after that-

  
_Including their engagement..._

_  
_Richard was sitting on the bathroom floor of the hospital, keeping both his hands tight against his mouth to muffle his sobs as he cried quietly.

  
_What if Jeremy didn't want him anymore?_

_  
What if-_

_  
_"Richard? Richard are you in there, darling?" Jeremy's mum was knocking on the bathroom door, her voice worried.

  
Richard took a deep shaky breath and reached out to hold onto the bathroom sink, trying to get to his feet without triggering his dizziness, then turned on the tap and washed his face with cold water, trying to make his red puffy eyes less noticeable.

  
"Y-yes... I'll be out in a second." He said and then turned off the tap. And then he caught his own reflection in the mirror; the dark bags under his red-rimmed eyes and his pale sorrowful face- a picture of dejection he couldn't stand to look at for one more second.

  
He sighed to himself and turned around to unlock the door.

  
"Oh Richard, darling," Mrs. Clarkson's sympathised with a shaky voice and hugged Richard tightly as soon as the young man stepped out of the bathroom.

  
Richard hugged her back and inhaled shakily, his tired eyes getting watery again.

  
"I've brought you dinner." The grey haired lady said as she walked down the corridor with Richard by her side, "You haven't eaten anything in the past two days, Richard... Look how skinny you had become!" she said as she looked at Richard with tired, worried eyes.

  
Richard just lowered his head, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

  
The older lady frowned and sighed, squeezing Richard's arm gently.

  
"He'll be alright, Richard." Mrs. Clarkson consoled as she ran her hand up and down Richard's arm, "You mean the world to him! Of course he will remember you!"

  
Richard nodded, tears already streaming down his face again.

  
"You look exhausted. Go home and rest a little, I'll stay by his side." Mrs. Clarkson said softly.

  
"N-no... No I'm fine. I wanna stay by his side... I can't sleep even if I go home though." The younger man said, wiping at his tears with his sleeves, "You go home, mum. You need to rest."

  
Mrs. Clarkson sighed, knowing full well that he can't convince Richard to leave, he was just as stubborn as his son, if not more, so she didn't argue any further and nodded.

**~~~**

Jeremy was now aware that he'd lost a part of his memory and was strangely quiet the whole evening after his conversation with the doctor.

  
The room had been drowned in an awkward silent since then, until later that night when the sound of rain tapping softly against the window pane finally broke the deafening silence.

  
"What's your name by the way?" Jeremy asked, looking at the younger man who was sitting on the chair placed by the big window, leaning his head on his hand as he looked out of the window.

  
Richard turned his head and stared at the older man for a few seconds, fresh tears welled up in his eyes as he tried to swallow the lump now shaping in his throat.

  
"Richard..." the younger man said and looked away, trying to stop his tears from falling.

  
"We've been friends?" Jeremy asked with a raised eyebrow.

  
Richard bit his lip and looked out of the window, wiping away the single hot tear that had finally escaped his eye. He didn't know what to say.

  
_Was he Jeremy's friend?_

  
_Well of course he was! But..._

  
_How could he tell him that they were not **just** friends?_

  
_That they've been more,_

  
_That they've been engaged for three years now?_

  
"Am I married or engaged to anyone?" Jeremy's voice cut through Richard's thoughts.

  
Richard looked at him again. The older man had raised his hand up in front of his eyes, staring thoughtfully at the silver ring on his ring finger.

  
"Y-yes..." Richard said hesitantly, unsure of where this conversation was going-

  
"Where are my wife or children, then? Why do **you** have to stay by my side all the time?" Jeremy asked, looking at the younger man with confusion.

  
Richard's blood ran cold and his jaw dropped.

  
_Wife and children?_

  
_Great!_

_  
How on earth could Richard explain for Jeremy that he-_

  
"Why do you look so sad and pale all of a sudden?" The older man cut the younger man's thoughts off again.

  
"Oh no... No it's nothing..." Richard shook his head and wiped at his eyes, faking a reassuring smile.

  
Jeremy sighed and laid flat on his back, staring at the ceiling.

  
"If it's 2008, I must be 42 years old now, right?"

  
_Jeremy's trail of questions seemed endless..._

  
"Yes."

  
"Hmm... and how old are _you_?"

  
"32..."

  
"So I'm 10 years older than you!"

  
"Yes..."

  
"How did we met though? Since you're not at the same age as me..."

  
_Great..._

  
_How could Richard expect Jeremy to be interested in him when he didn't even remember their first meeting and his own emotions towards the younger man when he saw him for the first time?_

  
Richard's heart couldn't tolerate it anymore...

  
It was just too much more than he could deal with.

  
Richard felt miserable, weak and shaky, all alone in this world,

  
He no longer could swallow the big lump that was strangling him, he burst into tears and rushed out of the room, leaving the door open behind him...

  
Jeremy just stared at the door confusedly.

  
_What was wrong with this boy?_

  
_Had Jeremy said anything wrong?_

  
Jeremy thought for a moment, then shrugged his shoulders and closed his eyes.

  
_He was still too tired..._


	3. Chapter 3

**| 15th of December, 2008 | London's Central Hospital |**

**  
**"Do you remember anything about this photo, Jeremy?" Mrs. Clarkson asked softly as she handed the canon camera to his son.

  
_It was a picture of Richard and Jeremy in Rome, standing in front of the Colosseum with Jeremy's hand around Richard's waist, both of them smiling from ear to ear, and their rings shining perfectly in the sunlight..._   
  


Jeremy took the camera and looked at the picture on its screen.

  
"Apparently, this is me... and that boy- Richard..."

  
"Yeah, _apparently,_ " Mrs. Clarkson rolled her eyes, "but don't you _remember_ anything?"

  
Jeremy frowned, thinking...

  
"No..."

  
The grey haired lady sighed dramatically as she took the camera from Jeremy's hands...

  
"What about this one?" She showed the picture to Jeremy.

  
_Another picture of Jeremy and Richard, both wearing suits and standing in front of each other, hand in hand..._

  
"Nope. Why do you keep showing me these ridiculous pictures of me with that boy?" Jeremy protested, rolling his eyes as he ..dark story. the camera away.

  
"Because he's-" Mrs. Clarkson began, but closed her mouth immediately and bit her tongue, "God, never mind." She sighed, "Listen Jeremy, how about I go and bring your food for you, hmm?"

  
"Where is my wife, mum?" Jeremy asked, a bit frustrated.

  
" _Wife_?"

  
"Yes, _wife!_ I have this bloody ring on my finger but nobody says anything about my wife or my fiance and- and she has not even come to visit me!" Jeremy complained, sounding completely irritated.

  
"Jeremy... What if- what if I tell you that you don't have a _girl_ in your life?"

  
"But that little, shiny-teeth, hamster-like boy- I mean Richard, he said that I have!"

  
"Jere- wait! What did you just say?" Mrs. Clarkson's eyes lit up with a sudden hope and anticipation.

  
"What? That I have a wife?"

  
"No no! Before that! About Richard!"

  
"Little, shiny-teeth, hamster-like boy?"

  
Mrs. Clarkson bolt out of her chair and leaned over her son's bed.

  
"Have you remembered anything?" She asked excitedly.

  
"No, mum, no! Why do you keep asking this question every 10 second!"

  
Mrs. Clarkson's smile dropped.

  
_God, she was going mad..._

**~~~**

Jeremy opened his eyes,

  
It was still dark and the room was quiet except of the relaxing sound of the rain tapping softly on the window pane.

  
Jeremy sighed contently and slowly rolled over on his side-

  
_the hamster was still by his side...!_

  
The younger man was asleep, resting his head on his arms that were placed on the edge of Jeremy's bed.

  
 _'He looks really cute...'_ Jeremy thought and smiled to himself.

  
_But... didn't this boy want to go to his home and rest properly for a bit, for God's sake?!_

_  
_Jeremy stared at him for a while, the dim light of the lamp on the beside table casting a soft glow over the sleeping figure on the chair,

  
_The younger man had an angelic face... matching his delicate frame perfectly._

  
_Soft brown hair, long elegant lashes, flawless fair skin, rosy lips..._

  
Jeremy wondered how soft they would actually _feel_ under his fingertips,

  
And he _very badly_ wanted to _touch them_...!

  
So he reached a hand out and gently traced his finger over the younger man's jawline. The skin under his finger was soft... very, very pleasantly soft and smooth-

  
_but a bit cold...!_

  
Jeremy frowned.

  
He brushed his finger over the man's soft eyebrows, along the blade of his little nose and over the slightly parted rosy lips-

  
the younger man's pinkish eyelids twitched slightly and his small hands opened and closed in his sleep.

  
Jeremy smiled, chuckling as he got out of his bed, went over to the sofa and grabbed the warm blanket. Then he slowly approached the younger man and pulled the blanket over his small figure.

  
 _''It is not a very comfortable position for sleeping though...'_ Jeremy thought, but he didn't want to wake the younger man up. Since the day they had met, it was the first time Jeremy was seeing the boy actually sleeping. In the past 3 nights, whenever Jeremy woke up in the middle of the night the little hamster was always awake; he was either standing by the window and looking at the night sky, or sitting by the bed and staring down at Jeremy with a kind of sadness in his eyes that Jeremy couldn't decipher.

  
 _'But tonight,'_ the older man thought, _'I think he'd finally flaked out...'_ Jeremy chuckled and shook his head.

  
He sighed as he went back to his bed, laying on his side so he could watch the younger man's peaceful face for a few more minutes before falling asleep...


	4. Chapter 4

**| 16th of December, 2008 | London's Central Hospital |**

  
"Ow..." Jeremy groaned as he opened his eyes.

  
"Jeremy? What's wrong? Are you alright?"

  
Jeremy recognised that worried voice.

_So the hamster was still there..._

  
_God..._

  
_Is this boy really trying to kill himself?_

"Jeremy?" The younger man called again as a pair of soft, cold fingers touched Jeremy's face gently.

  
"Head hurts..." Jeremy complained.

  
"Oh! let me- let me help you sit up and eat something, then we can get you painkillers, alright?"

  
Jeremy nodded, groaning as Richard helped him to sit up on the bed and then placed the pillows behind the older man's back.

  
"Stay here, I'll be back in a minute, okay?" The younger man said and squeezed Jeremy's hand slightly before rushing out of the room.

  
Jeremy closed his eyes and sighed, he could still sense that reassuring touch on his skin...

  
 _'I think I've been very lucky to find a mate like him...'_ He thought to himself and smiled despite the pain throbbing in his head.

  
Richard returned with Jeremy's favourite breakfast and a glass of orange juice he'd bought from the hospital cafeteria. He sat there and patiently fed Jeremy like all the previous past days. When the breakfast was finished, the younger man smiled softly and placed a pill in Jeremy's hand, then handed him the glass of orange juice.

  
"Good?" Richard asked as he took the empty glass from Jeremy and set the tray aside. 

  
"Hmm... Good." Jeremy smiled and closed his eyes.

_  
Actually, he felt very good... warm and comfy..._

  
"Do you want to lay back down, or wanna stay like this?"

  
"Nah, wanna sit like this for a while."

  
"Okay then." Richard smiled.

  
"Don't you have a family, hamster?" Jeremy asked, out of the blue, and looked at the younger man.

  
"What?" The younger man asked, his eyebrows raised and his smile was slowly fading away.

  
"You're spending your whole time here by my side! Don't you have anyone else to spend your time with?"

  
Jeremy didn't miss the flash of hurt crossing Richard's deep brown eyes.

  
"W-well, I..." Richard lowered his head, biting on his lip and fiddling with the hem of his shirt nervously.

  
Jeremy frowned and closed his eyes again,

  
He didn't know why, but seeing the hamster sad made his heart feel strangely heavy...

  
And after a few seconds of an awkward silence, Jeremy dozed off to sleep...

**~~~**

**| 17th of December, 2008 | London's Central Hospital |**

  
"Good morning!" Richard panted as he pushed the door of Jeremy's room open with his leg, carrying a very big box in his arms.

  
"Hamster? What are you doing? What's that?" Jeremy asked as he sat straight up on his bed.

  
"Ah-" Richard groaned as he put the heavy box on the small round carpet in the centre of the room, then put his hands proudly on his hips and looked at Jeremy with shining eyes, "This-" Richard grinned, gesturing to the box excitedly, "-is my Porsche 911 replica!"

  
Jeremy rolled his eyes, but Richard's contagious smile made him smile back unconsciously.

  
The doctors had told Richard that doing activities which require hand-brain coordination would help heal Jeremy's memory. So he'd brought one of his favourite car-building toys with himself so they could build it together and also prevent themselves from boredom whilst staying in the hospital.

  
Richard chuckled as he sat cross legged on the carpet and opened the box. Jeremy huffed a little laugh as he approached the enthusiastic hamster and sat right in front of him.

  
They opened the box and took the pieces out, carefully laying the finely machined parts on the carpet in front of them.

  
Soon, they were both concentrated on building the high quality replica. Richard was really careful in putting the delicate parts in place while the older man was mostly busy with the wheels and the bigger parts.

  
However, Jeremy got distracted in middle of the process; staring at Richard's delicate face and his graceful hands instead of working on the replica...

  
 _'God, Richard has strands of golden hair among his brown hair!'_ Jeremy noticed, completely mesmerised and his eyes went even wider.

  
"You're beautiful, you know that?" Jeremy breathed, marvelled. A mesmerised expression was on his face as his gaze followed every little movement of Richard's face.

  
Richard froze, his hands stopped working on the car and he held his breath.

  
_Wait-_

_  
What?_

  
Hesitantly, he raised his head to look at Jeremy, meeting the older man's widened blue eyes.

  
_Something about those words made Richard's heart go crazy- well of course it wasn't the first time that he had heard those words from Jeremy! But.. It was different now..._

  
_very very different...!_

  
It wasn't his friend of 6 years, or his fiance of 3 years who was saying those words-

  
Those words had actually been said by this _new Jeremy_ who had only known Richard for _a few days_...!

  
_And did it mean that Jeremy was still interested in him?!_

  
Richard took a deep breath and turned his head away a little, secretly wiping his now watery eyes.

  
"Yes. You've said that before." Richard sniffled and smiled playfully; he had decided to play it cool.

  
"Oh yeah?" Jeremy smirked.

  
"Yes. And-" Richard paused, pretending to check Jeremy out, "I've said it before as well- but you yourself are quite handsome, I must admit." Richard said, grinning playfully.

  
Jeremy grinned back, and for the first time since the crash, Richard saw that familiar light and brightness coming back to Jeremy's eyes.

After almost 4 hours of constant chattering about cars and laughing at each other's jokes, the 28 inches grey Porsche replica was finally finished...

  
"Finished!" Richard yelled happily, triumphantly raising his fists into the air.

  
Jeremy watched the younger man's enthusiastic reaction fondly, but deliberately rolled his eyes at the car to tease the younger man.

  
"But it's ugly!" Jeremy complained.

  
 _'Obviously, Jeremy hasn't had any personality changes...'_ Richard smiled to himself.

  
"No it's not." Richard argued.

  
"It is! Look at it! It's just a volkswagen beetle underneath!"

  
"It isn't!" Richard whined, pouting.

  
"It just is!"

  
"It isn't!"

  
"It is! Don't they sell Mercedes replicas?"

  
"I don't know!"

  
 _'Some things never change...' Richard_ _chuckled to himself._

  
"What do you mean _'I don't know'!_ " Jeremy asked.

  
"How should _I_ know! _You_ are the one who bought this for me!" Richard reasoned with a high pitched tone, eyebrows raised as he gestured towards the replica.

  
" _Me?_ "

  
"Yes. For my birthday last year."

  
"Oh."

  
"Um-hum..." Richard looked at the replica and smiled softly.

  
Jeremy didn't say anything anymore, he just stared at the replica with a thoughtful expression... 

  
"Right." Richard broke the awkward silence as he got up and stretched his arms, "I'm gonna have a cup of tea, do you want one?"

  
"Yes. Thanks." Jeremy said, still staring at the finished replica, "Hamster?"

  
Richard's hand was on the door-knob as he turned around to face Jeremy.

  
"Yes?"

  
"When's- uh... When's your birthday?"

  
Richard just blinked at the older man for a few seconds, trying to register the words in his head, "Uh- it's on 19th of December." he smiled.

  
"Oh- so it means-" Jeremy calculated, "Oh that's only 2 days from now!" the older man exclaimed.

  
Richard nodded, staring at the surprised expression on the older man's face and smiling softly at him, then he opened the door and went out, closing the door gently behind him.

  
Jeremy sat there for a few moments, wondering how fun and happy his life had been before, with this hamster by his side...

**~~~**

Mrs. Clarkson had come to visit his son that evening and Richard had excused himself to go for a few minutes and find James to ask him about the recent news.

  
It was dark now and they'd been walking around the yard in front of the hospital building, talking about the things Andy had done in the past few days about the show and how he'd handled the paparazzi.

  
James had lots of news and he was constantly talking, but at some point during the walk, Richard's thoughts got too loud in his head and he wasn't really listening to James' anymore...

  
_Would they ever be the same as they were before?_

  
_Would Jeremy ever love him again?_

  
_What if he doesn't want Richard anymore?_

  
_What will happen to the show?_

  
_Would they ever be back on presenting Top Gear like they did in the past?_

  
_What if Richard has to let go of Jeremy and-_

  
With every question that the disturbing voice in Richard's head asked, Richard's chest felt tighter and breathing became harder...

  
Now he couldn't really hear anything else except of his own heavy heartbeat in his ears,

  
And the damp path was swimming in front of his eyes-

  
he stopped walking and hold onto one of the benches in the hospital yard to steady himself...

  
"I'm not okay, James..." Richard whispered as he sat on the wooden bench.

  
"Hammond? What's wrong?" James said as he sat beside his friend, putting his hand on the younger man's shoulder.

  
"Dizzy..." Richard mumbled, holding his head between his hands, closing his eyes shut.

  
"Hammond," James sighed, worriedly frowning at his friend, "You should eat something and rest, mate. You're killing yourself like this!" The older man said, running his hand up and down his younger friend's arm.

  
Richard didn't say anything though.

  
_He felt like he couldn't breathe anymore-_

_  
Like there wasn't enough air in the world for him to breathe..._

  
_Like his head was under water..._

  
_He wanted so desperately to block the sounds in his head, and_ _shot his restless heart dead..._

  
"Hammond?"

  
_He felt like he was drowning, but he couldn't even move his muscles to struggle..._

  
"---MOND!"

  
_Lightheaded..._

_  
Cold..._

_  
Numb..._

  
_And he felt as if he was finally separated from this chaotic world-_

_  
Everything went black,_

_  
And silent..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is a double update, only because I feel very determined to finish this story as soon as possible, as if I myself am much more excited to see what will happen next... 😅 (Hopefully the next chapters will be updated very soon as well; since I've been actually in the mood for writing a lot recently haha 😁)  
> Anyway,  
> hope you enjoyed, and please let me know what you think about it so far 😘


	5. Chapter 5

**| 17th of December, 2008 | London's Central Hospital |**

  
"-Okay. Okay James, I'm coming- No no, I'm coming!" Mrs. Clarkson said to her phone and hung up, hurriedly putting on her jacket as she said things under her breath Jeremy couldn't really decipher.

  
Jeremy frowned at his mother...

  
"Mum? Where are you going?"

  
"Uh.. Uhm- I-I'm going downstairs-" The grey haired lady said nervously, "but I'll be back soon, okay? You think you'll be alright on your own for a while?" She asked as she searched around the room for something.

  
"Yes, but what's happened? Why are you panicking?"

  
"Haven't you seen his bag?"

  
"What?"

  
"His bag- Oh here it is. I'll be back soon, okay?" She said, and without paying any attention to Jeremy's questions she rushed towards the door and in blink of an eye, she was gone.

  
Jeremy frowned to himself...

  
_His bag?_

_  
Who's bag-_

_  
Oh!_

_  
That little hamster..._

_  
But..._

_  
Why his mum took hamster's bag with herself?_

_  
_Jeremy was confused...

**~~~**

"What happened?" Mrs. Clarkson panted. Wide worried eyes searching around the floor for something - _someone_ \- as she ran towards James.

  
James was pacing back and forth in one of the empty corridors, the expression on his face a combination of fear and worry.

  
"I-I don't know! He said that he wants to go out of the hospital building for a bit, we were talking and then he said he's feeling dizzy, we sat down but then I don't know what happened- he fainted, and- and I took him inside and the doctor is checking on him right now." James ended, his voice a bit shaky with panic, then he pointed towards the room he was standing in front of.

  
" _God..._ " The older lady breathed, running her shaky hand over her face.

**~~~**

Jeremy sighed for the nth time that night and rolled over on his bed, facing the dark window of the room.

  
He wasn't sleepy and he was bored.

  
_One hour and 45 minutes had passed, but his mother wasn't back yet...!_

  
Jeremy huffed and rolled over again, now facing the small table beside his bed.

  
_Hamster's phone was still on the beside table and his jacket was still hanging over the back of the chair!  
_

_  
So he must be still somewhere in the hospital-_

  
and then Jeremy's eyes caught a sight of that camera his mother had brought a couple of days ago...

 _  
_Jeremy reached out towards the table and grabbed the camera, then laid flat on his back and turned it on.

  
He went to the very first picture that was taken by this camera, wanting to refresh his old memories from the very beginning-

  
which began from _18th of October 2002_ , according to this camera...

  
Jeremy shrugged and opened the picture anyway,

  
It was taken from a place- like a hanger... with a couple of chairs in the centre and a few cars in the corners...

  
There was a big logo on one of the walls. Jeremy narrowed his eyes-

  
' **TOP GEAR'** it read.

  
Jeremy sighed and went to the next picture-

_  
God, again?_

  
It was another picture of that little hamster... this time alone, and a bit younger... A close-up of his face in which he was smiling so brightly that it was almost blinding Jeremy-

  
but, Jeremy realised, that he's unconsciously smiling back at the picture...

  
 _'This little hamster is really cute.'_ Jeremy thought and smiled playfully.

  
He went to the next picture, it was a group picture in that same hanger... He himself, Andy, hamster, and lots of other people he didn't know were all standing there-

  
_and they all looked happy!_

  
Jeremy was standing in the centre of the picture, with one of his arms around the hamster's shoulders, and the other around someone else's shoulder- whom Jeremy had seen around the hospital a few times, but he didn't really know who he actually was - and they were surrounded with other people, some had cameras hanging in their hands, some had microphone booms and some had clipboards.

  
 _They looked like a team..._ _A strong, successful team..._

 _  
_Jeremy wished he could remember...

**~~~**

"Would you please go and check on Jeremy, dear? I wanna stay by Richard's side till he wakes up." Mrs. Clarkson said, brushing some of Richard's hair out of his face.

  
The doctor had checked on Richard and was gone now. The younger man was still out though, with an IV in the back of his hand.

  
_Dangerously low blood sugar, too much stress, empty stomach, lack of sleep-_

  
James couldn't stop thinking about doctor's words.

  
_He hated this situation... He didn't even know how all these things happened in such a short time...!_

  
_Now both his friends were hurt,_ _and there was no bloody thing he could do to make everything alright again-_

  
"James? Are you alright dear?" The older lady asked, cutting through James' thoughts.

  
"Y-yes..." James shook the thoughts out of his head for now, "Yes I'll go check on him now." He nodded, taking a final glance at his pale friend laying unconscious on the hospital bed before leaving the room.

**~~~**

"I saw you in those pictures in my camera... You must be one of my friends too, right?" Jeremy asked, looking at the grey eyed man sitting on the sofa across from his bed.

  
"Yes... We've been friends..." James responded, trying to hide the fact that he was still very uncomfortable in this new situation.

  
He couldn't even convince himself to sit on that chair placed by Jeremy's- _this new Jeremy's_ \- bed at the very first place!

  
"What's your name?"

  
"James May."

  
"Hmm..." Jeremy sighed, glancing at the ticking clock on the wall impatiently,"Isn't hamster coming tonight?"

  
" _Hamster?_ " James echoed, raising an eyebrow.

  
"Yes, and before you ask-" Jeremy rolled his eyes, "No, I don't remember anything. He just _looks_ like a hamster."

  
James sighed and nodded to himself.

  
"So is he coming or not?"

  
"I'm afraid not..."

  
Jeremy sighed dramatically.

  
"Why?"

  
"Why what?"

  
"Why isn't he coming?"

  
"Well, he wasn't feeling very good, you know..." James lied.

  
"I knew something's wrong. He looked strangely pale and shaky this evening... Is he okay now?"

  
"Uh.. well," James began, scratching the back of his neck nervously, "No, not really..." he sighed.

  
Jeremy frowned and nodded, worry evidenced on his face.

  
James was confused.

  
"Why do you want him here anyway? It's not like you know him or anything!"

  
"Well... I don't know really," The older man mumbled, "It just seems that I can't sleep when he's not around... That's all." Jeremy shrugged.

  
James' raised eyebrows almost left the atmosphere.........

_'Well, maybe you should reconsider your belief in love and soulmates...' James said to himself and quirked an eyebrow._

**~~~**

Jeremy was bored and he was tired as hell, but he couldn't sleep...

  
It seemed that his body had become addicted to that little hamster, because, no matter how many people were around him, he couldn't sleep without that particular hamster by his side, and he felt very lonely too.

  
Jeremy sighed and looked over, watching James May snoring on the sofa and he rolled his eyes.

  
Then he looked at the empty chair placed by the window and pouted...

  
_He was used to see hamster sitting there; staring at the night sky the whole night until dawn, or watching the sunrise while sipping from his coffee..._

_  
_Jeremy liked to watch the hamster when the sun was beginning to rise, casting a warm glow of orange light over the younger man and glorify the angelic features of his face and body as the birds began to wake up and sing in the hospital yard. _  
_

_  
It was just a sight for sore eyes..._

_  
Ah..._

  
_Maybe there was something wrong with Jeremy's brain?_

  
_Because, why on the earth should he want that boy by his side so badly?_

  
_They were just mates, for God's sake! Just like James and Andy-_

  
_But..._

  
_No. It felt different..._

  
_The hamster was different. Jeremy didn't know how, all he knew was that, deep down, Richard was very specially different for him..._

  
Jeremy glanced at the clock hanging on the wall and sighed again, it was _01:50 am_ for God's sake!

  
_Where was hamster?_

_  
_Jeremy wished he'd asked James May about where the hamster actually was... He'd just said that hamster wasn't feeling fine and that he won't come for the night, but his phone was still there! and so was his jacket!

  
 _'So he couldn't be out of this hospital yet...'_ Jeremy reasoned and rolled over on his side, now facing the door.

  
 _'There's no other way... I'd wait...'_ Jeremy sighed to himself and nodded, yawning.

  
And still, he didn't even know why he was doing such a ridiculous thing...! But it just felt right to his heart; so he listened to it,

  
_After all, Jeremy's heart always knew better..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed ♥


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